My name is David, and I’m 35 years old. I live in Sydney, Australia, and I work as a social worker. I’m a survivor of child neglect and abuse. I have always struggled with low self-esteem, an unrelenting inner critic, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. In other words, my childhood left a deep sense of trauma that I came to overcome later through psychotherapy.
My father is an alcoholic and my mother has severe depression and is a gambling addict. My mother built up the courage one day to leave my father. We moved a lot because he would find us with private investigators. By the time I was 14 I had gone to 9 different schools. I missed so much school and was very behind. I felt embarrassed about this and eventually stopped going to school.
Due to mom’s gambling addiction, I would often be left alone for long periods of time with my brother who was abusive to me. Food was scarce which came from charity hampers because all of the money was spent on poker machines.
It didn’t matter if I cried, I was angry or I was a good boy; nothing received attention and love. I had to learn to care for myself. I withdrew, and I learned that disappearing into an inner world was the only way to cope.
Feeling lost and alone as a teenager, I turned to spirituality to find direction and meaning in life. Although I explored various practices, I ultimately abandoned my spirituality because I felt inadequate due to my lack of education, which left me with a gaping hole inside.
With a renewed focus, I dedicated myself to education, completing high school and attending university. Throughout my studies, I excelled and received numerous accolades, but I still longed for the love, safety, and support that I craved deep inside.
Unfortunately, my quest for love led me to abusive relationships, and I remained in one for nine years because I didn’t believe I deserved better. Eventually, I met a beautiful soul. We hit it off right away. It was everything I had dreamt of. It is loving, mutual, reciprocal, and affectionate. I finally felt safe and loved for the first time in my life.
Things were going so well in my relationship, but for some reason, I started drinking alcohol. I didn’t know why; I just felt something was wrong, and I hated myself for it, as I now had everything going for me.
I eventually realised that because I felt safe for the first time in my life, the painful memories I had buried inside were finally coming to the surface, and I wasn’t coping because they were unbearable. Alcohol provided instant relief, but it destroyed my life and my beautiful relationship.
My partner and friends helped me get into a specialist rehab for people who had experienced childhood trauma. There, I was finally able to process and uncover what happened to me as a child.
I did group therapy and intensive work with a psychotherapist. Together we explored my childhood trauma and, with guided imagery and psychotherapy techniques which uncovered buried memories. We also worked on handing back the shame I internalised using these techniques. The experience was so liberating, and I felt so powerful. It finally felt like a sense of hope and direction in my life.
I reconnected with my spirituality and started practising meditation once more. I never picked up a drink again. Together we are doing further inner child work, and I am learning to provide for myself what my parents never could. The work has been very hard and painful, but it has been worth it. I have a sense of freedom, direction and hope. Without that intensive psychotherapy, I most likely would have ended up an alcoholic like my father, trying to escape from the pain within.
I am now living a life of freedom and self-love, something that was never possible before I went through this journey. Psychotherapy has enabled me to reconnect with my spirituality, release the craving for love from others and provide myself with what I needed all along – unconditional love and support. It’s liberating knowing that I can take control of my own life story without relying on anyone else for validation or comfort. With continued psychotherapy sessions and meditation practice, I have found strength within myself to move past my trauma. The journey has been long and hard, but it has changed my life in ways I could have never imagined, and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to heal, learn and grow.
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