I’m a 45-year-old mother of two teenagers living in suburbia. As a full-time high school teacher and a part-time freelancing writer/editor, my life is always going at full speed. I’ve always had a nervous temperament. As a child, I talked a lot, and my teachers always reported to my parents that I was a behavior problem, even though I always made straight As. As a teen, I seemed to chill out somewhat, but I would always worry about things beyond my control, obsessing over my looks, my boyfriends, and my social standing with my peers. I made it through college just fine, but I depended a little to much on alcohol to ease my nerves. My anxiety got the best of me for some time, until I found solace in massage therapy.
It was only as a newly married, young mother when I was finally diagnosed with anxiety by my family doctor, but I chose not to take medication since I was breastfeeding. I guess I was in denial because I did nothing and just hoped the problem would go away. These were probably the most difficult years of my life. I got pregnant, got married, had a son, and then had a daughter, all within 2 years. My husband is a great guy, but the stress of dealing with trying to work two jobs to pay off credit card debt, dealing with alchoholic parents, learning to be a father to two babies in diapers at the same time, and living with an anxious young wife did not make him the most supportive husband.
I just kind of ignored by anxiety during those years and tried to get by the best I could. Fast forward 15 years — somehow my marriage survived and my kids grew up to be smart, healthy, happy teens. My husband got a college degree and started earning more money, we paid off our credit cards, and I inherited some money from a relative. Things were easier, but I still was full of anxiety.
As I grew older, my anxiety grew worse. I started having physical symptoms such as a racing heartbeat, excessive sweating, difficulty concentrating, a feeling of restlessness all the time, and feelings of fear or panic — especially pertaining to my kids. All kinds of random things would trigger me. Social situations would especially set me off when I had to get dressed up and be around a lot of people at events such as weddings, reunions, parties, etc. I felt like everyone was judging my appearance. Work also really stressed me out. My school principal didn’t like me, and I felt like he always kept an eye on me.
I should have sought professional help for my anxiety, but I didn’t.
As a large-breasted woman, I often had back pain, so one day I decided to book myself a massage to see if it would help. This decision turned out to be life-changing.
When I arrived at the massage clinic, I was nervous and unsure what to expect. My massage therapist, named Sheila, greeted me warmly and explained the entire process. She could tell I was nervous, and she really did a good job making me feel comfortable. I even opened up and told her about my anxiety. She asked me about my symptoms and what areas of my body were most affected by anxiety. For the first time, I felt heard and understood, and I began to relax.
As Sheila worked on my muscles, she told me how tight and tense they were. She used a variety of techniques to help release the tension, including deep tissue massage and trigger point therapy. I felt such a sense of relief as the knots in my muscles began to loosen. Throughout the session, Sheila checked on me to make sure that the pressure was comfortable and that I was feeling okay. I really felt as if the massage was slowly melting my anxiety.
After the session was over, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. I felt more relaxed and at ease than I had in years. Over the next few weeks, I continued to see Sheila for massage therapy. Each session helped me to feel more grounded and centered, and I began to notice a significant improvement in my anxiety symptoms.
Today, I’m doing much better. I still struggle from with anxiety sometimes, but I found a powerful tool in massage therapy. I continue to see Sheila regularly and feel grateful for the healing and support she has given me.
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