It’s the year 2006. A quite lonely 14 years old teenager named Manuel with good grades but with a very low level of empathy. Besides his academic duties, he spends his time playing soccer video games on his Xbox console, always alone. He lives with his mother and young sister. When they try to approach him, he usually avoids being touched and sets distance. Little did he know these were signals of a personality disorder, nor did he know that novel ways like meditation could eventually help him out.
Whenever he feels emotional, he can barely say a word, as his crying doesn’t allow him to speak. He has a deep shyness and an inability to build empathetic relationships despite knowing he’s a good soul. This pushed him to evade any contact with his very beloved girl in high school and most of the schoolmates.
That guy was me, 15 years ago. A person with remarkable intelligence but messy when it came to his emotions. This setting is known as schizoid personality, a psychological disorder where individuals can’t connect with emotions or develop empathy. The person shelters in intellect, imagination, and overvalued ideas that over time can turn into psychotic thoughts. Therefore, this diagnosis is commonly seen as a risk of schizophrenia in the long term.
In my case, the background or subconscious scenario was having no parents to have time with at home. My father didn’t live with us and had no emotional rapport with me. My single mother had (and liked) to work a lot. I spent most of my lunch times with my dad’s wife and it wasn’t the nicest environment, as she usually talked bad things about my mother.
This panorama, which included another problems, was not easy for a small kid’s subconscious. It caused a rejection to my father (shyness and sense of helplessness) and mother (fear to connect to emotions). I explore this as I’m now a psychologist and it may help others understand how their history affects them. The first winds of change came from my mother. We went to psychotherapy when I was 12. Nevertheless, the process didn’t last for long. She motivated me to practice martial arts and chess too, but I didn’t find myself in any of those activities.
Later at 15, I went to Germany for 1 month. Then I discovered that traveling worked as a revulsive for me. Despite no deep awakening process started there -besides begin eating salad-, it pushed me to find answers and change. After reading a few books and sources, ‘The Alchemist’ of Paulo Coelho and the ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ animated series, I felt inspired on what I wanted and how to start.
When talking to my mother, I said I didn’t want to start with a regular psychiatrist or psychologist. I was sure that ‘I was not crazy’, so I told her I wanted to do something related to chakra-opening. My mother contacted a psychologist who integrated this alternative knowledge into her practices. She introduced me to meditation combined with guided imagery, sound therapy, and crystals. I didn’t know whether meditation was going to help my specific personality disorder. It didn’t take long to see the effects.
I think using guided imagery allowed me to be creative and awake intrapersonal and emotional intelligence by myself. This because I didn’t have to focus on the mental discipline or structures you usually have to follow. Traditional meditation classes were not the only resource, but the therapeutics inspired me to bring meditative practices into my routine. This only reinforced its positive effects.
Chakras were an easy reference to learn about emotions and mind and I kept focusing my practices on them. This enhanced my motivation to go further and study psychology and keeping an integrative approach. Four years later after this awakening I found reiki, in which I enhanced my energetic sensitivity and stopped eating mammal’s meat.
Finally, after exploring many traditions, I found Kundalini Yoga (as taught by Yogi Bhajan) in 2012. I became a constant practitioner and certified teacher, combining it with psychoneuroimmunology and lifestyle science. Since then, meditating is a habit and my nourishment is organic and gluten-free (taking gluten off helped a lot). I currently write guided meditations and teach yoga to help others, and finds teachings and inspiration in every experience.
If you are facing a similar situation, release common expectations and be ready to meet someone different kinds of potential. They usually hide abilities that are underestimated or not fully appreciated. Understanding them and making them feel included can mean the world for them. Meditation allowed me to break through my personality disorder and ultimately find myself.
I understand better my potential now, as well as the fact that we were born at this time of history to create a new era. To do this properly, we need to return to our essence. This means releasing the attachments to the old world and opening our hearts to new horizons. This is what we do in meditation if we keep our practice with honesty and love. I see myself now as an active actor in co-creating the near future and starting a new chapter. One where happiness and collective consciousness becomes the rule and source of prosperity.
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