My name is Karen, I am 31 years old living now in Kenya. I am currently in the process of resigning from a banking job that I have held for the last 7 years. I live in a city where life is always on the fast lane and I am now awakening to my truth and a slower simpler life with more meaning and purpose. Living with deep fear and self-sabotage became a constant for me for a long time. I was so deep in darkness and sadness that I never saw it – it was the way I knew how to live. I was a person suffering from depression, but lucky enough to have found yoga and meditation, which were key in my healing journey.
My mental struggles started at the age of 14. A big factor was losing my mum at the age of 10 and my youngest brother 4 years later. When my mum passed on, I was told it was my responsibility to watch over my brother, so when my brother died I felt responsible for it. This guilt coupled with the trauma of losing family was the trigger that brought on the depression. I had no one guiding me on how to deal with it and I had the pressure of being a good role model to my other siblings. So I shoved in my emotions and focused on my education.
I was what you can call a high-functioning depressed individual. I was secretly dealing with deep sadness that went on for months even when things seemed to be going well. On the outside, I was jovial, hardworking, and performing great. I went to the best schools and I was the first child in my extended family to go to University. All the while I grappled with suicidal thoughts and the desire for the beauty and silence of death.
In 2016 I got a promotion at work and I moved out of home. I thought this would be the best thing for me. I left behind my stepmother who had been a great aggravator to my depression. What I thought would be the start of happiness for me, became the abyss that finally got me to realize I needed help! I fell into complete despair, I cried every morning for 4 months straight, there were days I went to work without taking a shower, I gained weight which only made things worse.
I started searching for a psychologist to help me out, but I couldn’t afford any of them so I had to find alternatives. In my search for more affordable treatments that can help my depression, I found yoga.
I started yoga in 2017 and after two months of doing yoga, I also incorporated meditation and breathwork.
Yoga became a mandatory practice each day. It became my haven.I had to get on my mat everyday and end with a 15-minute meditation practice. After a while, my body felt a need to change the way I ate. I reduced the amount of junk that I ate and I found myself more drawn to natural and healthy foods.
At the start of yoga, I was always tired and felt lucky if I could finish a 15-minute practice. With time I started doing longer practices and falling in love with how my body felt. The weird pains and aches started to disappear and my mind became more calm and clear. I felt yoga started to slowly dissolve my depression.
In a few months, I had the energy to go for short runs before my morning yoga practice and meditation.
Meditation has helped me over the years in finding more focus and productivity. People made fun of me at work because any time I felt overwhelmed or tired I would sit in meditation for 15 mins then go back to my desk. As my mind became more quiet and clear, I found more peace and happiness.
Today I can honestly say that I am happy and at peace. I wake up happy each day and while life still has its ups and downs I can handle it all without crashing. I am better able to speak my truth and hold it. When things are hard I ask for help and most importantly I have tools like breathwork and meditation that help me through anything that may feel overwhelming.
I am fully aware of my thoughts, my patterns, and my body. I can see my reactions and I can navigate them. Self-awareness and self-realization is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. For me, yoga and meditation were the key to overcome depression and take control of my life.
I am fully aware of how depression and mental health complications can make turn you dark. Yoga and meditation helped me make sense of all the trauma and pain that I was carrying within. I became aware of the heavy burden I was carrying and how to place these burdens down. I can now live fully in the moment and enjoy all that life has to offer.
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