I’m Rianna, a twenty-six year old English teacher currently living in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. I’m a Gemini sun, Pisces moon, and Sagittarius rising. Born in the USA to a single mother, we moved around a lot when I was young. Even though my relatives tried to instill their Christian beliefs in me, my family wasn’t religious, so the idea of an all-knowing man in the sky never really appealed to me. Without a strong sense of belonging and values, I felt lost and confused about my place in this world for a very long time. I began therapy when I was sixteen, but I still struggled with anxiety and depression into early adulthood. In this post, I will share how studying astrology has helped me get knowledge, reflect on my past and become a better version of myself.
By the time I was in grade four, I had attended three different primary schools. As a result, it was very easy for me to make friends, but much harder to keep them. I ran with a few cliques in secondary school – choir, marching band, theatre – but I never felt like I truly fit in anywhere. My sense of self was nearly non-existent; every time my seat at the lunch table changed, I essentially became a different person with a new personality.
When I was sexually assaulted near the end of my freshman year, everything shifted. Suddenly, eighteen years of loneliness and shame hit me like a ton of bricks. They say ‘hurt people hurt people’, and this is exactly what happened to me and the people around me. I became a tornado of emotions, able and willing to destroy anyone and anything in its path.
Feeling numb and out of control, I transferred schools and began a long string of short, unfaithful romantic relationships. I valued these passionate encounters over authentic connections because they were the one thing that could make me feel something. I oscillated in and out of depression, at one point checking myself into a hospital with suicidal thoughts. My best friend, with whom I created codependency, tried to support me as best he could. But every other relationship in my life appeared untrustworthy to him, and in his eyes I eventually became unrecognizable.
After cheating on my girlfriend of ten months, she and my best friend both decided it was their last straw. I’d experienced loneliness before, but without the two people I had grown to depend on, I was utterly alone. As a recent university graduate with no job prospects and virtually no friends, I was itching for a better life. I’d always been interested in horoscopes and found them quite accurate, so in an effort to get more knowledge about myself, I started diving into astrology.
One of the first things I learned about was the difference between cardinal, fixed, and mutable energies. It came as no surprise that all of my personal planets were in mutable signs. For the longest time, I thought I might be broken because my mind, values, and ideals were constantly shifting as I learned more about the world around me. But astrology showed me that there’s nothing wrong; I feel more comfortable than most when I’m going with the flow. My problems with codependent relationships also came into focus when I realized that I have a stellium in my seventh house of partnership. Turns out, I’m not a terrible friend or person. I just have some work to do on fostering and maintaining healthy relationships.
I eventually found an astrologer whose insight I really valued and paid for my first natal chart reading. It was surreal, like reading a biography that someone had written about me without my knowledge. From that point, I was obsessed with reading every book, blog, and internet forum I could find. Some of the information I found online was misleading and unhelpful, but this is where I discovered a community of like-minded people who shared my passion for astrology and the knowledge it provides. Not only did I feel less alone; I finally felt like there was a place where I belonged. These perfect internet strangers ended up pulling me out of one of the darkest places in my life, and I’ll always be grateful for them.
Now, I’m in one of the best mental places I’ve ever been in my life. Things aren’t always perfect, but I use astrology to track transits through the sky and in my natal chart. It really helps me to understand my moods and thoughts from day to day. I still keep in contact with some astrology lovers that I met online, and I’ve connected with several professional astrologers who have really helped me understand what’s happening in the sky and how it relates to my current life. One day, I hope to know enough about the energy of astrological transits so that I can help others understand their inner world as well as I have come to understand mine.
Understanding astrology can definitely feel overwhelming because there’s so much information out there, and not all of it is valuable. But I always tell anyone who will listen: astrology is a tool for knowledge and self-reflection, not a crystal ball. If you don’t feel like you’re living up to your full potential, it can show you what’s holding you back. And if you’re willing to do some personal work, it may help you to accept yourself exactly as you are.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.